Things I Learned While Marathoning the Subspecies Series

•June 11, 2012 • Leave a Comment

About a month ago, a good friend showed me a video of Obscurus Lupa reviewing the extremely terrifying movie, “Heidi 4 Paws.” Amused by her reviewing style, I decided to check out the rest of her videos. I have never been the same.

Enter Subspecies, a 4 part vampire epic featuring my new all-time favorite vampire, Radu. He’s pouty. He still calls his crazy hag mother “Mommy.” He can snap off the tips of his fingers and… create little dudes? That are what the series is named after… but only show up in a few scenes over the course of the series…? What?

OHMYGODITOUCHEDABOOB

So tonight I decided, “Hey, why not?” and watched the entire series of movies, including the awful spinoff, “Vampire Journals.” Here are a few things that I learned while watching them. Be warned, there are spoilers up ahead.

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Let’s Talk About Love Or: Why Celine Dion Screams Christmas

•December 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

When I was a kid, unless someone flew in, we never got to spend Christmas with family. We lived on the west coast until I was 4 and then on the east coast until I was 11. Shortly before the beginning of my sixth grade year, we moved to Corpus Christi, Tx and suddenly were within a decent driving distance to Kansas where both sides of our family were still living.

Every year that we lived there, we would made the 16 hour trek up to either Goodland or Leavenworth to spend Christmas with my Dad’s brothers and sisters. And as my Dad is a stubborn, stubborn man, hotels be damned! We would drive the entire way in one go.

I don’t remember much about the actual family time from those 5 trips. The clearest memory I have is of one of the drives home. It was New Years Day and Nathan and I were sitting in the back of Mom and Dad’s car while Dad drove. Being the stubborn man he is, he had decided to completely forgo driving through Austin. Sure, the back ways consisted of more miles, but hey! It was a small price to pay to not be stuck in traffic for an eternity. *

Somewhere between Austin and Corpus Christi, after  I finally managed to nod off for a little while. I woke up to my Mom and brother prodding me and telling me to wake up. It was about 2 am and we had entered a small town about 80 miles away from home. The town consisted of a square and some houses surrounding it. Not a single house or office light was on. There was absolutely no one on the streets except for us. You would think that this was an abandoned town from how quiet everything was.

Until you looked around. Every single house, every building in the square was covered in thousands of Christmas lights. Even the trees were covered in them. The town sparkled as if there was snow covering it. We circled the small town for what felt like an hour until we realized what time it was and that we needed to get home.  And then we circled it once more for good measure.

To this day, I’ve never seen anything like it. We don’t remember what town it was, or even how to get there. For all we know it was a hallucination that we all happened to experience because we were so tired and all we had to eat for hours was some crummy Whataburger. But it will always be one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

 So what does this have to do with Celine Dion? Not much. That was the year Dad got her “Let’s Talk About Love” cd. We innocently gave it to him early so he could enjoy it on the way to Kansas. Little did we know we would spend the ENTIRE TRIP BOTH WAYS listening to that cd. And ever since, whenever I see Christmas lights, or drive through Kansas, Oklahoma or Texas, or do anything involving a car, I think of her. And I think of wanting to shove the cd down her throat.**

*True Facts: A few days after my Mom died, Dad and I decided to go to Corpus for the weekend to visit some old friends and give them the news in person. We got to Austin at about 8pm. We didn’t leave Austin until about 1am. Going straight. On one road the entire time. Because traffic was so congested that we couldn’t get to the exits. The only thing keeping us awake was a Kelly Clarkson cd on repeat. Over and over and over and over. It was hell on wheels. We finally got to a hotel at 2am and paid $80 for the privilege of sleeping there for 4 hours. Best. $80. Spent. Ever.

**Which is hilarious now because the love of Celine has rubbed off on me. The horror, the horror!

Saying Goodbye

•July 22, 2011 • 1 Comment

I always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those people that obsessively blogged about their pets. Who cares if they rolled off the bed or ate a cicada? Well, it turns out, I do.

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How to Make a Tardis Cake

•October 27, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So, as a general rule, if I’m going to be around for a friend’s birthday, I’m going to make them a cake. Its tradition born from my own stubbornness (and love of cake).  So when my roommate, Kassia’s 24th rolled around, I was going to make her a simple chocolate chocolate-chip cake. No biggie. And then her brother, Nick, and his girlfriend (now wife), Emily planted the seed.

It had to be done. There were no more options.

I had to make a TARDIS cake.

So, wtfh IS a TARDIS, anyway? Fans of Doctor Who will know, but for the unindoctrinated, TARDIS stands for “Time and Relative Dimension in Space” and is the Doctor’s spaceship. It can take him wherever he wants, whenever in time he wants. Its shaped like a blue police phone box and is much, much larger on the inside.

So how does one go about making this monstrosity of a cake?

First, you throw everything you know about cake baking out the window. Just throw it all right out. Pretty sure I was brain dead when I was making this thing.

Second, find a recipe. I used Nigella Lawson’s Chocolate Fudge Cake recipe. This was the best part (as I had hoped it would be). It was incredibly moist and delicious.

Third, add chocolate chips to an already hyper-chocolatey cake. This was also a delicious decision. Too bad it was the wrong decision for a layer cake. Because they were interspersed randomly througout it, the cake didn’t hold up as well as it should have. Pieces fell off and I had to glue them in place with buttercream. Which leads to…

Fourth, frost and hold the layers together with a way too sugary buttercream. Buttercream is amazingly delicious, don’t get me wrong. But I think I used a bad recipe. Or screwed it up somehow. Either way, that stuff was born of demon seed. We had to scrape around it to eat the rest of the cake because it was so sugary sweet that our teeth hurt and we were having instant sugar highs.

Also, because the cake had fallen apart and I had to “glue” it in places, the TARDIS was kinda lumpy, which made decorating it a pain in the rear. I also only had a couple of sizes of piping tips, neither of which worked well for the purpose I needed them for.

But, in the end, it was just the thing we needed to start our evening. After we ate it (or at least tried to) we took Kassia to Kansas City to go swing dancing. Which actually made the sugar highs kind of helpful. And to top it off, we got a great story that we still giggle over. Not everything that we view as a disaster will seem that way in the long run. While I thought I had ruined her birthday, what actually happened was that I helped create a memory that has brought joy to all of us in the year since.

Maybe I’ll try again this year. Or I could, y’know, just be lazy and make a normal sheet cake.

 
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